Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
