Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
