your thong is hanging out like whoa
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
