Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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