Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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