this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
