I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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