apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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