I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
