Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm like, not good at living.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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