Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
