Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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