You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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