Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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