There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
