I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
