I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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