Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
