i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
