"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
