if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
