all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
