I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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