Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
