I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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