me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
