i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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