my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
