Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
