Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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