I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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