there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
