whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
