I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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