her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
