11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize