just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
