Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
