I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
