if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
