half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
