so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
