Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
