when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
