she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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