and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
