i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
