Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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