your parents love me but you hate me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
