Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
