how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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