you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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