I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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