It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
