We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
