it was like having sex with a tree stump
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
