I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
