i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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