Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's shark week go big or go home
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
