I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
