I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
