Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
