Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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