Sorry, I don't speak sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How external is "for external use only"?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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