No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
