i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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