She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
