you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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