I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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