Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
