There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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