Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
