don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
