that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
