I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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