census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
