As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
