So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
