Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
