from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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