Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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