btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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