Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
