Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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