I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
