just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
