i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
