Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
