Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
