I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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