I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
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I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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