I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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